Watch that gin - a family story from 1872

North Otago (Oamaru) Times - 27 October 1872 page 3

Catlin wrote a book entitled “Shut your Mouth” in order to prove how dangerous it was to sleep with your mouth open. The Maories also inculcate this warning, as they say that if a person sleeps in the open air with their mouth unclosed, there is a strong probability of lizards taking advantage of the opening and going down the sleeper’s throat, causing divers and sundry distressing conditions of the body. Pakehas seldom swallowed this idea, let alone the lizards, but strange as it may seem, a woman in Wanganui named Devalion, wife of the bell-ringer, actually vomited a living lizard out of her mouth last week. The following are the particulars of this most extraordinary occurrence: on the 6th of September (Friday last), the woman in question felt an acute pain in her side, and took some gin to alleviate it. Soon after drinking the gin she felt ill and inclined to vomit, which she eventually did, and to her intense surprise and disgust saw that she had thrown up a living reptile, which on closer inspection proved to be a lizard nearly four inches in length. The reptile only lived a few seconds after its expulsion and had lost its tail in the process, so that it probably measured fully five inches before being deprived of its caudal appendage. The lizard has the appearance of having two heads, owing to the loss of its tail, and is of a light brown colour. The poor woman, whose stomach so mysteriously became the abode of so unusual a tenant, does not know how the reptile got to where it did, nor how long it remained there, but she states she still has some more of the disgusting animals in her stomach, and declares she can feel them moving about whenever she drinks anything, particularly gin, of which they seem specially in dread.

From National Library of New Zealand - Papers Past website

Mary Devalion was my great-great-great-grand-mother, born Mary Butterley, in Dublin.
Thanks for this one, Dad.

Police to tackle bike crime with new ‘Indifferent Squad’

The rise in bicycle crime in the capital is to be tackled head on with the formation of an elite new police team to be known as ‘The Indifferent Squad’. The highly trained force will be stationed at key points behind the counter at London’s last few remaining police stations, poised to do a bit of paperwork on stolen bicycles the moment they have dealt with everything else.

‘It was amazing to the see them in action’ said TV producer Pat Farrell who is shadowing the Indifferent Squad prior to making an ITV drama on their tense and exciting work. ‘At 9.03 am the call came in – front wheel stolen from a Marin mountain bike in Barnes High Street. Immediately the shouting began; Code Red! Repeat; Code Red! Dave, get form 7b/32/b from the file, don’t piss about, I want a biro, working, with the lid off NOW! Kev, Bob, where are those bloody duplicates – Sheena move, we need back up pens on the other side of the counter. I want the standard letter off to the insurance company by November at the latest!’

The theft from the bicycle turned out to be unusual in that the entire crime had been clearly recorded on CCTV and the thief had dropped his wallet in the act of removing the front wheel. Not only did it have his photo ID, address and contact details, it also contained a piece of paper entitled – ‘names and addresses of all the criminals who buy my stolen bikes off me.’

The head of Indifferent Squad said ‘Luckily the bike owner brought that wallet to attention of the Indifferent Squad. Or we’d never have been able to pass it onto Lost Property.’

Stuff White People Like

Always good stuff here!

Try this one:
Bike City
A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!

But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love their fixed gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in LA, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British Columbia. Fixed gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white person acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.

White people also like Mountain Bikes because it lets them be in nature. It’s really not more complicated than that.

And finally, they love expensive Road Bikes and the accompanying spandex uniforms. This enables them to ride long distances and wear really tight clothes without any social stigmas. These types of riders will spend upwards of $5,000 on a bicycle and up to $400 on accessories, but will not ride to work. Perhaps because they cannot wear the spandex. It is important that you never question why someone needs a $5000 bicycle since the answer is always “performance.”

For the most part, these rules have been unisex. But there is a special category of bicycles that appeal far more to white women, the European city bike (pictured). White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights. This information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman, especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother told you about how she used to do all of these things when she was younger.

And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.

Matt Simmons and the Five Psychological Stages of Grief

by Rob Hopkins

This is a wonderful clip. Matt Simmons is the author of ‘Twighlight in the Desert’, is a leading US investment banker, and a long-term advocate of the peak oil argument. When he was asked to go on CNBC’s ‘Fast Money’ to discuss the high oil prices, he clearly stunned the presenters with his forthright analysis of society’s current perilous situation. When asked if $147 a barrel is a ‘wake up call’ he replied “yes, but we’re not having a wake up call, we’re having a witch hunt for who got us here”, a succinct analysis of the current world situation. What was especially fascinating to watch was when he was asked for his prognosis of the near future.

Le Tour de France

July = Le Tour

Antelope Wells 19 Days 5 Hours & 2 Minutes!

Simon has done it: biked from Canada to Mexico. Inspiring stuff.

9-point plan for safer cycling

For many Kiwis the distressing deaths of two cyclists in the Wellington region on 19 June have highlighted the need for New Zealand's roads to be made safer for people already cycling or wanting to take it up.

There are Government strategies and programmes to promote cycling and cycle safety, but we haven't seen many changes on the street yet.

The Cycling Advocates' Network (CAN) is running a campaign to get its 9-Point Plan for Cycle Safety adopted by the Government.

Sign the e-petition at http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/NZCycleSafety/

Visit http://www.can.org.nz for more information about the campaign.

Contact: CAN, 04-972 2552, campaigns@can.org.nz

We want to see national and local government do the following things in the next two years:

• Run a national Share the Road promotional campaign telling motorists and cyclists how to co-exist safely on the roads.
• Change transport planning and funding processes to make sure key problem areas or gaps for cyclists (e.g. Ngauranga to Petone cycleway, Auckland Harbour Bridge) get fixed - no more long delays or buck-passing between various organisations.
• Spend less on road building and more on encouraging alternatives to driving - more motor vehicles on our roads only make things less safe and attractive for cycling.
• Promote the use of lower speed zones (particularly 30km/h).
• Change the tolerance for motor vehicle speed limit enforcement from 10km/h to a maximum of ten per cent of the posted speed limit.
• Increase the walking and cycling budget in the National Land Transport Programme by a factor of five.
• Change funding and audit processes to make sure that all roading projects improve the environment for cycling.
• Change the driver licensing system and driver instruction (including bus and truck drivers) so motorists are educated about how to take care around cyclists.
• Fund and promote nationwide roll-out of cycle skills training for children and adults.

Team Megatron rules

Brooklyn Cornerstore Pub quiz champions 2008!

As champions we got to say which charity should get the door takings: Doctors without Borders.